Something on the inside

I haven’t really given out links to this blog yet, so if you find this you are probably some random individual that I don’t even know. Maybe you are one of the rare people in the next few hours that I will give the link. But I shall not give up my hopes or dreams that anyone actually reads my blogs. I have been doing this for years, and for years no one has been reading. Maybe its because I write this like an actual journal. Which means it here for me to work through some of the things that are going on in my head. So now is the time to start working through some of these things. If you comment or want to talk to me about it. Remember this is my journal if you read it and it upsets you, get over it. It is my thoughts. Thought’s don’t always mean you act on them. But I need to get them out of my head.

 

I am struggling. Really Struggling. But at the same time, I am trying to put up a good front. One that makes everyone happy to be around me. That I am not upset, depressed, or having serous self image issues. I have only recently become one with one of my other parts. Or more appropriately he became one with me. We are now Violet and its nice. I really love it. But goddamn its hard work trying to become the person you see in your minds eye. Then I am dealing with the fact that I am fighting almost constantly with both of my girlfriends. That my sister treats me like a slave. Which is all fine and dandy but I am not in a relationship with my sister. For obvious reasons, she is my sister. So being someone’s slave is kind of out of the question there. I work very hard at doing everything that everyone needs from me, and still be happy.

But it seems to me that I am failing at it some days. And I know the adage that you can’t please everyone. I am not trying to do that, I am just trying to do right by who I can, when i can. I really just need things to start working better for me. I am tired of all this negativity that seems to be affecting my life. I am trying hard really hard. Positive outlook and everything. I work hard at the jobs I do. I take care of those in my life. Some return it, others take more then they give.

That done for now, because I am not going to allow myself the abuse. Yea I am a women, but I am not a push over. I am a dominant strong individual who needs love, caring, and pampering. Sure I can be a princess. Sure I can be a bitch. Sure I can be a slut, and so many other words. But none of these things means I shouldn’t be treated like a human being. Because guess what that’s is what we all are at the end of the day. HUMANS.

There is so much going on I don’t even know where to start to elaborate. I really wish I could maybe getting some of it out of my head and on a digital format might let me look at it with a different perspective then the first person. But there is so much that right now I think this is all I will be able to write. But it is a start, the words are flowing and as they grow, maybe they will lay new seeds that i can pass on to new writings.

 

~Violet

Lonely, I cry (Revisited)

Crimson rivers that never run dry,
Falling away from these lonely and tear stricken eyes.
Wishing with fleeting feet to be struck from your sight.
Do not know what to do with out you.
Do not know where to go.
Holding on to strong, my grip does slip.
Do not know how long I can go on,
My only goal is to live this life with out a lie, and to survive, survive, survive.

Like the ancient beast of fiery wings, to rise anew.
Wishing that everyday I was there with you.
My love in my heart holds true, it longs and cries out for you.

Wishing for the final breath,
Taken with these white and numb limbs of mine.
Only so long that I can hide inside of those lonely broken heart.
This loneliness that sunders me raw, taken my breath away and driving me insane.
With out you there is no breath.
With out YOU there is no life left.
In this loneliness I cry, waiting for you to once again come back to my side.

Own the pain

Stand your ground when the land is about to break.
Show that your courage is stronger the strongest force that presents itself before you.
The fury you feel,
The pain inside,
Let it ride.
Master it and don’t let your own self lie, and make you doubt.

In the time and in the breath,
in the life and in the death,
in the ecstasy and in the bleeding tears.
Don’t let all of those fears ride you through to you burning requiem.
Ride them, take them and make them yours!

Life is all about what you make,
what you see,
make this your own GOD DAMN REALITY!

Hunter of the floor

All those who watch,
stand up right when you approach,
your tightly woven bells given away you approach.

Your deadly words to chasten the lambs that you would kull.
With each time you follow your well warn tred,
you are stalked by those whom which you would slay.

They keep their eyes wary and there heart do pound.
But with out you around what would we do?

Nothing but stand, and wait tell the day does toll.

By wickedvioletstorm Posted in Poetry

My many About me’s

I am going to post my About me’s here from the different sites that I am on. I like to think of it as an amalgamation of self inflection.

 

Okcupid profile –

Inspiration strikes at the oddest of times, in this case it would have to be a 7:42 am, on a Tuesday January 24th. I feel that my profile on here though good was lacking, so I am put forth the effort to give it another go. Something that I have done on other social oriented networks is put a warning. So we will start there.

If you are anti-queer, anti-polyamorous, anti-humor, or anti-transgender you need not apply! A wanker, a liar, a cheater, can not string together a few characters to make a readable sentence you probably shouldn’t continue reading. If you do not bother to read my whole profile, and ask stupid questions that are clearly answered on my profile, then do not bother. If your only goal in life is to stay exactly the same as you were the day before and the last ten years do not even think of bothering. If you do not get the humor in the fact that all of us have a little bit of some of these things, and do not bother seeing it, then do not even try. I am here to make friends and lovers, not to teach you and to swaddle you out of your diapers.

So let’s get the obvious out of the way! I am a 6’6” MtF, on her very beginning steps of the journey. If you can not see passed that, you need not continue passed here. I am a woman in my mind and soul, and I am working very hard at the body matching. I want to be treated as such. What does that mean? Well that can be debated for hours, but I can tell you in simple terms. I want to be pursued sometimes; I want to be around things that I find to be beautiful. I want to kissed and held when I am upset. I want someone to put as much effort into me as I put into them. I am extremely feminine but have a strong masculine side. I love makeup, clothing and style. This however doesn’t mean I do not like to pound back beers with my friends, burp, tell rowdy jokes, and change my own oil or tire. I have only recently made physical changes to who I am since November of 2011. However I have known for a while that I was a girl on the side, since about the age of five. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) once upon a time known as MPD (Multiple personality disorder). The fact that I have decided to become a women, was due to one of my personalities and my Operating system deciding to merge and stop being separated. If you want more details on that, feel free to message me.

My sexuality is fluid, I feel that there is so much more than just feminine and masculine when it comes to sex. There is more than one way to skin a cat, and there sure as hell is more than one way to have sex, fuck, get laid, or make love. The gender of my partner doesn’t matter to my really, my eye is drawn to the feminine, but I love a person for who they are, not what gender they identify with. Finically speaking I could care less if you have a job. As long as you aspire to something, anything other than just nothing, you are cool in my books. I am open to trying anything, I love new experiences, and am willing to see where life takes me, one adventure at a time.

I grew up in Los Angeles County, California. In a beach city called Redondo, I spent a lot of my time in Down Town, Long beach and San Diego. I have lived in Portland, OR, Long Beach, CA, Simi Valley, CA, Abiquiu, NM, Albuquerque , NM, Santa Fe, NM, Kissimmee, FL, New York city, NY, London, England, and now New Orleans. I go where my heart takes me, and where my soul finds it freedom. I am polyamorous and have two wonderful girlfriends, who are also my lovely little Kittens (Submissives in a BDSM sense.) However, I do enjoy making new friends and if it goes somewhere else well then awesome. Just know that you are not my primary and that you might work your way there, you do not start that way.

Whips, Chains, Bondage, spanking, things of this nature all excite me and tantalize me. Do you have a fetish, I’d love to hear about it. However do not expect me to share it. I have my own, and I am more than willing to share it. I love to dress up fancy and go out to get a beer at a grungy pub, I like to be talked dirty too, listen to others sing Karaoke because I do not have the courage to sing myself, even though I love to sing. I am a dirty girl when it comes to a lot of things, and I do not mind being told I am so.

I have several passion in my life, the first one is Role Playing games (rpg’s). I have been into them since before I was in high school, which now was many, many, many moons ago. I have designed my own system, played countless different Campaigns, and systems and I love to run them as well. I enjoy a great deal of online text based rpging.

My second passion in life is writing, and though I have grammar issues, I do try to correct them as I go. I love writing poetry, Erotica, short stories, novels (though I have yet to finish one), songs and ect. As part of this second passion so do I love to read. I love spoken word, and written word and trust me there is a massive difference between the two. Though one conceivably can write spoken word the same way it is spoken, but it does not meet grammar or spelling requirements of what is considered to be standard English. Which for all of you out there who fancy American English as the end all be all, it isn’t. British English is awesome too, and Pan-English is the most spoken in the entire world. Look it up you will see.

My third passion in life is cooking. I love to cook, be it from scratch, recipe or something that doesn’t sound like it will go well together, but ends being some of the best shit you have ever had. Trust me some of the things we hear do not always agree with us, but close your eyes and just taste and let the adventure run free in your mouth. (that sounds kinky).

My fourth Passion is Photography, I love taking photos, and I am working my way into become less amateur and more pro. I love bringing my SLR around with me and doing random photo shoots with friends, and strangers alike. Art is part of my fourth passion, but there is so many inflections of how I do my art, that I will leave the details of it to be spoken about later.

Here are some general labels that might apply but do not mean I strictly adhere to them either. Gamer, geek, nerd, slut, bitch, cunt, loud, funny, smoker, drinker, kinky, fem, glamorous, dirty, inventive, extrovert, kick ass, sock rocking, Ninja!, intellectual, stubborn and the list goes on and on.

I do love music, and have a massive hardon for new music. You will find me often times looking at charts, scanning for new artist, listening to some classic shit that no one has heard of anymore, and tinkering on my piano. I just wish I could read music.

So if any of this has peaked your interest hit me up, and let’s see where we can go from there.

Ahh what are we all doing with our lives. This could easily be the largest section any of us right if we are not careful. As of right now, I found my self rather actively living.

I participate in the BDSM community here in New Orleans, and enjoy it quite a lot. I am learning new things, expanding my horizons and defiantly getting what I need. Want to help the process?

I trying to many things to acquire monetary compensation. The one that seems to taking up most of my time is being a Personal Assistant, Wardrobe coordinator and motivator for a Model, who is a close friend of mine as well.

I love photography so I am doing this as well, learning the new tricks, practicing the old ones, and trying to break into making money with a hobby I love so much.

There is a part of me that loves fashion and style in all its forms, its be repressed for so long that I am giving it wings to fly now. So I am very likely going to become a stylist.

And of course I love to cook, so I doing everything in my power to lead me to a path around the age of 45 of being a chef.

 

Fetlife Profile –

I feel that all profiles on here should read with a disclaimer of who we are not looking for before anyone goes on to read further. Douche bags, Asshats, Dishonorable gits, Liars, Thieves, Disbelievers, pessimist, lazy undriven bumbs, closeminding people, unsupportive people, destructively criticizing people. Need not apply, for you will not waste an ounce of my time.

I sit her now and I have decided to write an introduction to me. I shall keep this one short and sweet, and write a much longer one, as well as many essays that will give a clearer image of whom I am. But I know a lot of us want to have a quick glance point of reference so we get the just of an individual like a cover of a well read book. So here you go.

I am a Women, that is trapped in a man’s body. I have been like this since I was five. I suffer from DID (Dissociative Identify disorder) I was diagnosed in Los Angeles County at the age of 17. I have been two therapist about it on and off for the past 6 years. One of my personalities is whom I am now, and has merged with the original personality. I wish to become a girl completely, and have started the journey as of November 24, 2011 to make this a reality. It will take time and effort and I am looking for the support of those who care about me to help get through this transition. But that is just a small still frame of who I am.

I am an Dominant women, and a submissive to the right person. I have the switch inside of me. However I am perfectly happy being both or neither. I just want to be who I am. So the label I choose to be dominant is who I see myself. If you are a extremely intellectual women, who is very dominant and not afraid of a bit of transgender, I would love be friends with you and see what happens. As I am under consideration right now to a wonderful person, I am not open to be collar or taken in that way. But that doesn’t mean I am not allowed friends and play partners. I am always dominant to the men in my life, so if you are a guy and you wish to play with me, make sure you bring your submissive.

I have been in the scene off and on since I was 21 and I am now 28 going on 29. I have a fare amount of experience, but I consider myself still new and learning. I wish to be called mistress, but I also wish to earn the title in its proper right. I bisexual with a heavy leaning to women. I daren’t say pansexual because I believe the term to be to vaguely described at this point to use the label the way I understand it.

Some simple things about me. I believe in Honor, Trust, and Loyalty. I believe in family in all shape and form. I believe in commitment even through the rough times. And I believe that everybody should have someone in their life that worships them.

As a Dominant I am very Protocol and Rule oriented, and am very structured. If you do not want this do not seek me out. For if you wish to follow me and worship me, and treat me like the women I am I expect your loyalty, honesty, and ability to follow the rules I set. The more you diverge from them, then less attention you will get form me. Simple as. I think this is enough for now. I will add links to things as I a write below this point. Everyone I wish you love and finding a happy life.

~Mistress Storm

 

So far I have two different ones, I will add new ones as time goes on.