Today, what a beginning of a day. It is 6:30 in the morning and my niece is crying. I don’t like starting my day’s off like this, but alas today was one of those days. I am struggling today, because my emotions are still really close to the surface. Who needs hormone replacement, just be me, I apparently do it far more naturally then the average human being. So yesterday was weird, just odd things happening left and right.
The biggest was, a ex-lover, semi good friend, who has found Jesus. By the way I have no problems with Jesus, nor do I have any problems with god. I might do a blog on my beliefs so people can understand it later. But I am not anti-Christian, I am anti-dogma. So that being said, I told her that I was seeking the Gender Re-assignment. She knows about me have DiD, however she assumed that I was seeking gender re-assignment because of my other personality. To be honest it is a contributing factor, but if you understand the fractures in my mind you would understand the female personality only existed because I disassociated the emotions associated with her. That being said, she wasn’t the only reason I choose the path I am on. But this friend, decided to say that “There are daemons in me.” That DID is not real. And that I needed to seek redemption.
Normally, if someone said those things to me, I would hall of and knock some sense into them. Because speaking to anyone like that, when it isn’t actually true, is just plain disrespectful. But because I have emotions for this person, I respectful disagreed, and warned them that I would not be preached at. Then I had a mild argument with one of my submissives. Told you constantly fighting. Yes I am putting it in here, even though I know that both of you have to read my journal. This will help to have you be accountable for your actions. This argument was resolved, but it shouldn’t happen again. But I would place bets to lose them if it doesn’t happen because it happens so regularly I don’t trust that it won’t.
Then I spent two and half hours pep talking my other submissive. Explaining to her some of the finer points of reality and also trying to be patient and understand of her condition.
Now, you ask what did I do for me yesterday. To be honest, I am not quite sure. I wrote a bit, I gave a new protocol. I talked to a good friend of mine in the UK who I miss madly. I got broken up with because of being a girl now. Which is a major over simplification and please no one bash the person if you know who it is, because they don’t swing that way and its okay.
I guess the best point was talking to the person I miss. She is so awesome. I have been crushing on her hardcore for a long time now. Two halloween’s ago we got pretty friendly, but not as far as either of us I think would have liked it to go. But now there is this big wet pound in our way. And it’s not one either of us can swim through, so we have to wait for vacations. I wish I could go back to the UK to visit my friends there. I was only there for two years, but go I made a few really fucking awesome friends over there. Distance sucks major donkey cock.
So what will I change about today. No arguments if I can get away with it. Have a bit of fun for myself, and talk to those who mater just as much as I do everyday. Remember those who read, these are my thoughts and I express them so that there aren’t hidden. But you need to know that some times I am not happy, cause if you know then you might be able to do something about it.